I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
