You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize