Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
