and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize