I wish life had little blips of pornography
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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