yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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