before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
