Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
