No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize