Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
