It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
