I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
