I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
