i may or may not be watching the land before time
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
