I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
