Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
