TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I intend to get homeless drunk
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
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