The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
