Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
