i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
