dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize