So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
