This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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