Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
