dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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