I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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