I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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