i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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