apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
