It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
