This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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