people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
