butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I'm so fucking centered right now
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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