in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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