thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
