the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize