$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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