gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
