As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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