I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
