he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
