I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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