he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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