i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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