I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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