If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I currently don't understand fingers.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize