maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
