Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
if only i could text you this smell
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
tequila makes me forget i have legs
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
