What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
