And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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