Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
