Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize