i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
