i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
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