So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
