Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
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