I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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