well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
