its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
