The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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