I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
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