yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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