remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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