My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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