I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize